Tebow shirtless

Tim Tebow Shirtless Pictures

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It’s Florida game week, so let’s just get it out of the way. I hate Tim Tebow. I abhor him. Before anyone starts sending me nasty emails, I need to be clear—my dislike of Tebow does not stem from the fact that he is a religious zealot person.

My grandfather is one of the most religious people I know and I respect and love him as much as anyone in the world. Also, some of the Tebow fatigue is admittedly media related, and out of his control. I get that. I also feel confident he and the Gators are going to throttle the Hogs this weekend, so you can save the “How Do You Like Tebow Now?” crackbacks next week.

That said, there are plenty of reasons to hate Tebow. Let me count the ways:

1. He indirectly caused me to remember Corrine Brown is a Congresswoman.

2. He stole the Heisman from Darren McFadden in 2006 with 415 one-yard TDs, half of which came with the game(s) salted away. All but one of his rushing TDs that season were less than 20 yards. Oh, and he was the first sophomore to ever win it and only the 2nd player in the last 20 years to do so on a team with 3 or more losses.

3. He declined an invite onto the Playboy All-American team for religious reasons, yet posed shirtless in GQ magazine and kisses his teammates on the sideline.

4. He exhibits poor sportsmanship while his eye black holds a Bible study.

5. He steals his speeches from bad movies. (Gee, THAT camera was on ME?!!)

6. He is spoken of as if he is the Son of God. (Heck, I am even doing it in this space by referring to him as the capital He throughout.)

7. He is self righteous.

8. He practices medicine without a license.

9. He is missing out on the chance of a lifetime. No, really.

10. His “You’ll Never” Speech wasn’t very clairvoyant and should not be considered one of the most memorable of all time considering it was uttered by the guy who gave us the worst Heisman acceptance speech of all time.

11. Thom Brennaman and Vern Lundquist talking about him makes me feel icky. I couldn’t find any video or audio of Verne–apparently it has been removed to protect his professional reputation.

12. VoteGate.

13. He can’t take a joke.

14. HE is a hypocrite. For one, he wears his religion on his sleeve, yet he is a huge self promoter. He has patented the, “Fiery speech when the cameras are on me” and the “Coach Urb is taking me out of the game so that I can get applause, but I am going to take it to another level and run all the way back onto the field to “encourage” my teammates in the final minutes of a 30-point romp” move.

15. The S.I. jinx can’t stop him.